The sex lie

Man, the day I tell my brother about my blog is the day I have to blog hella about feminism. Sorry, North the Younger, but this is important.

Now, nobody likes to talk about rejection. Getting rejected is embarrassing; rejecting people because they’re not attractive to you is mean. Too many women solve this by taking the moral high ground.

They say

This sketchy guy just came on to me. How inappropriate and chauvinistic.

When they really mean

I wasn’t attracted to that guy.

The first statement is a sex lie. It’s the lie a woman tells when she wants to pretend her sexual preferences are moral imperatives. This lie gives women power. Men we don’t like become sick and evil, and we become the arbiters of what’s right and pure. Women don’t get enough representation in the public sphere? Why not dominate the private sphere, by making any man we don’t desire feel like a deviant?

This tactic takes us back two hundred years, to a time when women had to exercise control by hoarding recipes and knitting instructions. If we want real power in gender politics, we have to sacrifice such devious methods of control. We have to make gender relations honest.

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3 Responses to “The sex lie”

  1. Marisa Says:

    One time I was chatting with a couple guys, “Hank” and “Percy”. Through conversation, I mentioned that another mutual friend “Lee” has previously tried to pick me up three or so times. I had politely rejected Lee (each time becoming increasingly awkward). Percy asked why I had turned Lee down. Flustered (as I was interested in Hank), I stuttered, “I don’t know, head to body ratio?” Both were a little shocked at my candid reply. Hey, I was being honest.

  2. Hank Says:

    Lee’s a good guy. Why you gotta pick on Lee?

    p.s. you can be honest without being cruel.

  3. Marisa Says:

    Lee is a good guy, Hank. If Lee had wanted to wine me, dine me, and be my boyfriend because he thinks I’m attractive AND a great person, I would have been all for it. However, Lee wanted me for sex. If I am not attracted to a person, I’m not going to have casual sex with him. And if Percy is going to question my motives, he’s going to get an straight answer. Cruel would have been if I had told Lee my concerns about his proportions to his face.

    You should be one to talk, Hank. I’ve heard you slam girls for being unattractive. So don’t play all high and mighty with me.

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